In thy presence is fullness of joy

Tonight, is one of those nights when you can’t sleep and you are stressed with tons of things to do for school, all the while consumed by an extremely heavy heart. I have been back in America for 3 weeks now, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about those precious children and close friends I left back in Haiti. It has been extremely tough, but God has definitely been right by my side every single step. When I have had feelings of confusion, frustration, and fear for the future, I turn to him the only one in whom I can find peace and rest.

It has been very difficult trying to explain to those around me just exactly what God is doing in my life. Before I went to Haiti in March, my goals were to become a surgeon and practice medicine and help a lot of beautiful children live better lives here in America. Now, God has broken my heart daily for the beautiful people of Haiti. My heart continually aches for their suffering and hardships that I know they will face on a daily basis. Because of this and inadequate MCAT scores that were received just as I returned from Haiti, I began to question if God really wanted me to be a doctor, and if this really was the plan he has set out before me.

Asking myself that question was absolutely terrifying. Becoming a physician has been a dream and goal of mine for as long as I can remember and now that things weren’t working out just perfectly, my human nature began to question things. It was then, when I was at my lowest of lows and completely lost, that God used the beautiful story of a sweet, young girl to show me his will and direction for my life.

Chadasha, the foundation that I serve with in Haiti, partners with ICHF-International Children’s Heart Foundation. ICHF works to provide heart surgeries to children in third world countries, such as Haiti. This is where sweet, sweet Kathline’s story begins. My friend Chelsey is currently serving in Haiti and it is through her beautifully written blog that I was told of this story, which you can read here: http://chelsey-temporaryhome.blogspot.com/2011_08_01_archive.html.  

Kathline was a beautiful 3 year old child who had a severe heart condition, and was scheduled to have heart surgery in July. However, the team that was supposed to be performing the surgery did not have the necessary equipment, so the procedure was pushed back to mid-September. While Chelsey was at Medishare-one of the hospitals in Haiti-working out how she was going to volunteer as a nurse there the following week, she saw Kathline and her mother in the ER. The staff there thought she was in the early stages of heart failure, so the Chadasha staff began working to try and find a way for this child to come to the United States for her surgery. This is not as easy as it sounds. In order for this to happen, the receiving hospital in the US has to be willing to cover all costs of the procedure from the moment she steps off the plane. Finding a hospital willing to do this is very difficult and Chadasha had no such luck. So, the next plan was to take her to a hospital in the Dominican Republic with more equipment to stabilize her until her surgery could be performed. Later on that night, they received a call from Medishare saying that little Kathline was not doing well and she had woken up and was getting worse. Before the Chadasha staff could get back to the hospital, they received another call saying little Kathline had passed away.

Reading this story, I just wept and wept. I had never met this child before, but my heart just broke in two for her mother, brother, and all of those who had worked so hard to get her this surgery. The hardest thing for me to deal with about the entire situation was knowing that in the US, this would not have happened. Her heart was simply sick, and just needed a procedure to help fix it and she would have lived a relatively normal, happy life. Her sweet life was cut short because of the lack of resources and available surgeons. It is the heartbreaking reality of this country, and is something that I hope and pray daily will change quickly.

Kathline’s short life touched many, many people, including myself, even though I had never even met her. I realized through this horrible situation, how selfish I was being by questioning if I was supposed to become a doctor or not. I was searching for the easy way out, the path of least resistance, and the fastest way to get back to Haiti sooner without thinking of the consequences.

Haiti needs surgeons. Plain and simple. They need surgical equipment and those that know how to use it to prevent situations such as Kathline’s from happening again. It was then that I realized that going to Haiti without doing everything in my power to become a surgeon was doing a disservice to these people. My heart is there, and I would love nothing more than to pack my bags and be on the next flight to Port-au-Prince tomorrow morning. BUT, the time isn’t right. It is so hard for me to know that doing this is going to push back being in Haiti long-term for 10 years or more, but I know down deep in my heart that this is the purpose God has for my life.

In Psalm 16:11 we read that,

“Thou wilt show me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore.”

Going down this road is going to be very hard and difficult to manage, but through reading this scripture I am reminded that in his presence I not only have joy, but fullness of joy, and that at his right hand are pleasures forevermore. He will show me the path of life that he wants me to take-and right now, I take comfort in knowing that his path is far greater than anything I could ever plan out or imagine.

Please, please, please, please pray for these people. Pray that God will continue to send knowledgeable people, full of love and joy that only Jesus Christ can give, to help the people of Haiti.  Pray for sweet Kathline's mom and brother and their whole family during this time of mourning that God will comfort their hearts as only he can. Pray for Chadasha and all those who tried so hard to save this little girl’s life. Pray they will not get discouraged and despite this horrible sadness will continue to see that their efforts in Haiti are not in vain. Finally, and most unimportant compared to all the rest-pray for me. Pray that my heart will stay strong and that Kathline’s story and others like it will continue to PUSH me on. When days get tough and the road to my heart’s desire gets long, that I will NEVER forget my purpose. To help these people.

Love and Prayers,

Brittany